I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
