so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
