He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
