She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
