maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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