yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
