note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
