i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
