once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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