HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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