I have demons in me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
