I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
