she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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