So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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