Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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