oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
