i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
