Please, let me fuck your mom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
