He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
