note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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