Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
40s are totally the cure
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
