no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
