Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
