fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
