didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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