Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
where am i from again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
