After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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