Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
