If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
