glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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