My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
