Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
