I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
