Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
