I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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