I want you more than these girls want KFC
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
