When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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