You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
