please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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