You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
