is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
