ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
