My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
