I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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