I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize