Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
