did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
