I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
