In the future we'll all be gay
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
