While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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