kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
