i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
