she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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