Just cropdusted the office
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
