Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
