there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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