When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
