that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize