NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You pole danced in your parka.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
