wakey wakey hands off snakey
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
