is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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