Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
