Whod you bang
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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