NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
