hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
